As observed by Dave Monyhan, national sales manager with Goodson Shop Supplies, Winona, MN.
Sometimes, you just can’t explain WHY you’re an engine enthusiast – you just know THAT you’re one, and it doesn’t end when you leave the school at the end of the day.
So, with respect to comedian Jeff Foxworthy, here are some ways to tell if, in fact, YOU are an engine builder:
You just might be an engine builder…
• If you stir your coffee or hot chocolate with a pushrod.
• If you smile when driving by a broken down vehicle.
• If you open your soda can with a 9/16˝ wrench.
• If you spend all day watching NASCAR but have trouble watching younger brothers or sisters for 10 minutes.
• If you like the smell of burnt oil.
• If you think a pile of engine cores is a thing of beauty.
• If you get upset at the Discovery Channel for airing a program about early man’s inventions and not mentioning the automobile.
• If you really don’t care what anybody drives as long as the engine blows up.
• If you ever thought that your parents’ lawnmower could use more horsepower.
• If you’ve ever been to a school awards banquet and are the only one with grease still under his fingernails.
• If you actually read the tech articles that are distributed by your instructor.
• If you call your buddy from a race and hold up your cell phone so he can hear the roar of the engines.
• If you know the difference between liters and cubic inches.
• If you ever thought about putting an engine on your Pinewood Derby car for Cub Scouts.
• If you have the ability to convert mm to inches in your head.
• If you have a mini piston and connecting rod key chain.
• If you always thought piston ashtrays were really cool and you don’t even smoke.
• You agree that alcohol and driving don’t mix, but alcohol mixed with horsepower is pretty darned good.
• If all of your hats have an automotive company logo on them.
• If you go antiquing with your girlfriend in hopes of finding a pre-1940 flathead engine.
• If you are sitting at a stoplight and there is smoke coming from the tailpipe of the car is front of you, and you grin.
• If you know the difference between piston slap and valve slap.
• If you think a paper towel holder made from high performance connecting rods is something you just can’t live without.
• If you use engine parts as paperweights.
• If you ever stared at a stainless steel sink and wonder what grit of stone they used to make is that shiny.
• If half your fingerprints are missing and you are not on the FBI’s most wanted list – you just touched a set of hot headers.
• If you are missing your eyebrows and eye lashes from backfires due to initial start ups.
• Someone buys you a case of synthetic oil as a present and there is a tear in your eye.
• You think that using nitrous for dental work is waste of natural resources.
• You believe Hybrids are a plot against humanity.
• You hook your sonic toothbrush to 220 volts ’cause it needs more RPM.
• If you think Flint, MI, would be a great place to spend your honeymoon someday.
How many of these apply to you? Isn’t it comforting to know that you’re not alone! If you have any others, send them to [email protected] and maybe we’ll include your name and your reason on our website!
Hope you enjoyed a laugh. See you in the shop!
